I have had the unique opportunity to have come into contact with some unique specimens suffering of "Assholism" during my professional career..
After some careful analysis, I inferred that having this medical condition really has some benefits. Therefore I think we don't have to see Assholism as a disease, it is just another way of being. I hope by writing this I can help counter discrimination against this often discriminated group.
Certainly in a country as Belgium, being a giant A-hole should be seen as a blessing. Being the quiet conservative people as we are, it is socially expected to keep your mouth shut. The few individuals who try to exploit the masses can get away with pretty much anything. On the contrary, being the only one to rise up against these mental patients is seen as immensely inappropriate.
Being honest and value-driven will just not cut it, sorry. Don't even think about starting a meaningful business that can actually help people. It's a hell of a lot work. Instead try bullshitting. Very easy, big payoff. No need to help the world, who do you think you are? You're not Jesus.
As you might not be genetically inclined with the same gifts as the sufferers of Assholism, I inferred some guidelines on how to be an asshole, totally for free:
- Never listen to what other people think. They do not have it in their genetic code to have any ideas that could be better or even compliment your's.
- There is no such thing as one truth. Everyone is trapped in their own consciousness and therefore has a different view on everything. Consequently, it makes no sense for you to tell the truth on any topic whatsoever.
- Always maximize your own position. Giving your superior God-given genetic code, together with your visionary abilities, it is important for humanity that you survive and can create your equally successful offspring. Creating a win-win will be detrimental to mankind.
- Whenever you can speak, speak. Your voice has the power to change the world thanks to it's superior wavelength.
- It is very important to make promises. You get people's commitment and it fosters good long-term relationships. However, never keep them.
- Let others do 90% of the work. Your job is bullshitting, and that can be very exhausting, take at least 4 rest days per week.
- A great LinkedIn/Twitter title can really help to convey your totally self-evident narcissism. Using terms as "visionary", "self-made", "CEO of my own life" and "inspirator" will really improve your credibility when bullshitting. Also, having the sentence "Stay hungry, stay foolish" on your professional profile works fabulously.
I hope by sharing this, I have opened your heart towards these under-appreciated individuals. Please help spread the word so we can start this movement together! ("movement" is another of those excellent bullshit words you could use)
P.S.: When Google Image searching a picture for this post, I found pictures of either real physical holes in asses, or Donald Trump. It took me a while at first to distinguish them.
Given the inappropriateness of using any of these, I used a picture of a cat, because they really are the most impressive A-holes of them all.